Be Different, Be Yourself

It actually took me quite a while to gather up my courage to choose this topic to write about today and it also took me some time to figure out how I’m supposed to put this into words since I’m so overwhelmed by feelings.

As you can see in the beginning of this post I’ve attached an image. Just like every other post on here but this is something much more different from what I’ve usually post. Which brings me to my topic for today – Being different.

Dear whoever is reading this,
It’s perfectly okay to be different from everyone else. You do not need to be the same to fit in with everyone. You are where you belong, on earth with a bunch of humans just like you. Regardless of race, religion, body type or sexuality. YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE. You are a HUMAN just like all the 7 billions people in this world. Your race, religion, body type or sexuality DOES NOT DEFINE YOU.

If you feel ashamed of who you are because of any of the reasons I’ve said above, please don’t. You are perfect the way you are and you are unique the way you are. Please don’t try to change yourself for society just because they say you “can’t fit in” or you’ll be alone because that is all bullshit. You’ll fit in just right because you are already a part of it. Do not change yourself into someone you’re not because that isn’t you and it’s not going to make you happy.The society would be “pleased” but who are they to have a say in your life? NOTHING.  Don’t hide and Don’t pretend. Embrace yourself and be yourself.

Here’s a little something about me: I’m an Asian, I am born into a semi-conservative family and almost half of my relatives from my Dad’s side are Christian (and they love to follow the rules – Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing and besides, I love my cousins). With that being said, as many may know, being born into an Asian family means things are gonna be a lot stricter than how it is in the western countries. So things like,  having good grades, doctors/lawyers and government jobs are the best, no time for creativity jobs,  no sex before marriage and etc. But there are some things Asians families are really particular about such as – a boy needs to act like a boy, a girl needs to act like a girl, a boy can only like girls and vice versa which means no same-sex relationship, and males over females.

So growing up, I was told to follow those “rules” and I have to act girly because I’m a girl. We got to play with dolls, be pretty, skinny, wear dresses, have long beautiful hairs and put on make up etc. I am pretty uncomfortable with most things that are said above except having long hairs. I knew I was different as my cousins and in fact all the other girls in this country. They fancied make ups and etc while I just don’t. Like give me a pair of t-shirt and short, put on some sneakers and I’m good to go. But I used to think, being different is not a good thing because it makes me look like a freak, like a fish out of water and simply because I couldn’t fit in the category of “Girls”. I can’t behave like all the other girls, I can’t try to be other girls and I just can’t do most things all the other girls love. For a few years in my teenage life, I wasn’t very happy with who I am. I am constantly trying to fit in to society, I am always trying to be someone else that I’m not and I absolutely hated who I was. I’ve questioned myself many times, “Why can’t I be skinny like every other girls?”, “Why don’t I fancied make ups?”, “Why do I not like pretty dresses”, “Why do I not like shopping” and so many more questions. Because I just don’t get it. Why am I so different from everyone else?!

When I was 17, I had this dream (a little irrelevant but you’ll understand why I mentioned this). I dreamt that I died, and it’s the same dream for 3 days. It’s always the same scene of how I died and the same time of when I woke up for the first two days but for the third day, it’s a little different because, I actually saw myself lying in the coffin. Needless to say, I was so terrified that I force myself to wake up. Then it got me thinking, sometimes dream interpret something it could be positive or negative and I found out mine was a mixture of both but then I stumbled into this statement, “dreaming of your own death often happens when you are facing the end of something — perhaps a career, marriage or other major life-altering change. It can also reflect that something has died within the self or symbolize a new beginning or new chapter in your life. It might also be a dream telling you to leave all of your cares behind and start something new. An important fact that the dream may be telling you is to take a look at your own habits and how they are affecting your health, both physical and mental.” It was like a sign for me to wake up because I wasn’t happy with who I was. I need to become who I am truly meant to be and I need to start a new beginning, in a new book. Ever since that day, I’ve decided to stop trying to be someone else that I’m not. So I’ve dropped everything down, no more pretending, no more hiding and decided to be Me. This dream makes me open my eyes wide and allows me to take a look at everyone around me. At that point I realized, everyone is different in their own ways and it’s okay to be different. I embraced my body type, I embraced my race and religion and who I truly am. I’ve never been happier because this is who I am meant to be. Fuck what societies says about how everyone should be. And I realized, I’m not alone as there are millions or perhaps billions of people who are like me and till today I am still happy with myself.

I told myself, it’s okay if I don’t wear make ups, dresses, heels or like shopping. It does not mean I’m not a girl. I still have my periods every month, I like pink and also black and I’m still a girl, just a little different.

Today, I’ve stumbled upon a Facebook video about the LGBT and I feel so happy yet so sad. I was in tears when I saw how happy they were when they came out and embraced their sexuality but, I felt so sad because most of them dared not to let their family know about it. Fearing they would not be accepted and they would be judged by everyone. When I was younger, I simply don’t get how can the same-sex like each other or how a girl wants be a boy and a boy wants to be a girl. I was told a girl should like a boy, vice versa and a girl should always be a girl and vice versa. So why does this happened? Then when I reached my “turning point” in life, I realized there’s no “why” to that question because it is how it is, the fact that there’s NOTHING wrong being apart of the LGBT because they are human who are simply just being who they are. Being different, Being themselves.

Question: Why can’t everyone be accepting and loving? 

There shouldn’t be any boundaries between love. Love is just love. You love with all your heart. You love because you care. You show your affections to them. Love doesn’t restrict who you could love and who you shouldn’t love. But this world is filled with love and also hate. There are many people, who don’t understand that LOVE IS FREE FROM RULES. You do not love because you were told to love. You love because you were meant to love everything around you. It does not have a boundaries around it. If they are happy loving the same-sex, or trying to be who they really are even by going all out in changing their gender, go ahead. Do whatever makes you happy. Do not stop because you’re afraid to show everyone else you are different. Do not be afraid of being your true self. Do not let anyone stop you from your own happiness.

Are the LGBT not humans? Do they not come out from their Mother’s vagina? Do they not eat/drink/pee/fart/shit/sleep? Do they not have hands, legs, face and a body? They do. They are exactly the same as all the other 7 billions people in this world. Just because they are different from their sexuality, it doesn’t make them not human. It does not make them a freak. SO WHY CAN’T PEOPLE BE ACCEPTING AND LOVING? Does them loving the same-sex makes you decrease your life span? NO. Does what the LGBT people do affect your lives? NO. Some might say yes because of how their actions “disgust” them. But they are humans, they are allowed to show affection to each other just like everyone else. There shouldn’t be any restricting for it. What the LGBT does it will not affect your lives, because they are just like everyone else in this world. They love and act the same way.

If everyone is more accepting and loving, how great would this world be?

EVERYONE IS EQUAL – BOTH MEN AND WOMEN. NO RELIGION ARE BAD RELIGION. EVERYONE IS IN THE SAME RACE, HUMAN-RACE. LOVE EVERYONE. NO HATE, JUST LOVE BECAUSE ALL LOVE IS EQUAL. 

Love, Me

x

Decision

Life is all about making decisions. Every decision has a different outcome. Right or wrong decision brings you somewhere. It could be somewhere far from what you’ve expected or you could just be a few steps away from what you wanted. 

In life, everyone regrets something. Regret not studying hard, regret making this decision, regret for not cherishing someone etc. We all regrets an action. I’ve made this decision to let go someone that was dear to me and I’m regretting this decision but somehow it was for the best. In the process of making that decision, I’ve hurt both of us (not really sure if it mattered to that person). It took me years to come to term with myself that I have to apologize for what I’ve done and I will when the time is right. 

Never be afraid to be sorry for what you’ve done. No matter how guilty, how mad or for any god damn reasons. Always apologize for something you’ve done that you know you’re wrong. Don’t live life with regrets. 

x

“She designed the life she loved”

Once again, all pictures are taken from Pinterest and I do not own any unless stated.-

Well, life hasn’t been easy and school was tiring. It’s a lot harder for me to concentrate in class especially when I’m studying a course I do not have passion for. At times like these, I question myself over and over again –  Why am I doing this? What is the purpose of me doing this? Who am I doing it for? I’ve got questions in my head and the answers for every single question but, none of the answers are for me. Despite all the struggles, it’s almost the third week of class and I still have many more to go. All that is left, is to endure the entire year and plan my life again; perhaps this time doing something I love?

I told myself that this platform is for me to jot down my feelings and all, but whenever I tried to get on here and try typing out my feelings, for some reason I just couldn’t do it nor could I utter a single sound. Completely silent would be the best words to describe it. It’s like, I feel overwhelms by all my emotions but, no words could describe how I feel. I’m so damn complicated that I have no idea where this post is gonna lead to.

;

a girl is willing to let go of her past and forgive others in order to forgive herself for all her sins. 
a girl wishes for nothing more but just happiness. Happiness in others and herself.

x

01/06/2017

This post was actually meant to go up on Tuesday instead of today, Thursday but I got lazy. Took this picture after 5 hours of singing on Tuesday – I absolutely missed & love singing. 

Started my first class today. They changed the class venue without even informing us and 5 of us waited in the wrong classroom for nearly 40 minutes, pissed as fuck. The moment I stepped into the class, one word – Regrets. Like why did I even choose this course?! I’m like trying so damn hard to concentrate & absorb as much information as I possibly could. But oh well, there’s no backing out now. (NTS: Study well and TRY to get an “A” for my grades.) 

Skipped lunch & dinner today – Not wise at all especially when the lecture room reek of foods and I was like starving. I’m currently on my way home as I’m typing this, can’t wait to go home and grab a quick bite before sleep. 

I really wish everything could go well & I will be able to pull everythinng through.

x